It has been nearly 2 years since I left my position as Children’s Ministry Coordinator at my home church.

And, here’s the shocker: I miss it.  A lot.

Every day since leaving, I have felt a longing so deeply rooted in my heart that it hurts. I feel separated from my calling. But now, the longing is beginning to feel like desparation and I think you need to know. There is a chaos of emotion and knowledge swirling around in my mind reminding me of the truth and tempting me with lies.

Worst of all, some days (though, thankfully very few), it seems easier to give in an believe the lies: no one will hire me, no church wants me, I heard my calling incorrectly, I was wrong, God doesn’t want to use me. Lies. The rejection hurts a little more each time, but at the same time I honestly believe that it is God’s will- that there is something else for me.

Mostly, hope wins out by the end of the day because I know the truth, even if it can be the most difficult to believe.

Dear ones: it’s been 2 years feeling like a wanderer who knows the path but cannot find it, and I need your prayers. My heart is breaking, and my resolve weakening.