Tonight, my mind is restless. I am making the assumption that my caffeine intake for the day has a great deal to do with the matter- I did consume my entire weekly ration this morning alone. And, while that does concern me for what will be done about tea-time tonight, I doubt it is the primary reason for my state of mind.

On nights like tonight, I find myself longing for that lovely little day dream of a cottage in a forest meadow. You know the one: it’s painted grey, has a window seat where i take up residence on the rainy days, there is lavender growing outside, books and overwhelming love inside. In that little daydream of mine the lighting is never harsh- more like a faded photograph- and there is neither silence or cacophony. It seems so peaceful there.

Perhaps I am simply overstimulated here… which leads me down a path of fearfulness for our potential children and thus I cannot dwell on such a thought.

A friend has told me that I am stressed right now- but I cannot recognize why. My life seems rather simple right now. Rather enjoyable really. But she told me this because I had confessed to her that for the past fifteen days I have been having nightmares.

The nightmares are never the same. I can hardly remember them except for the feeling of fear that lingers somewhere just behind me as I go about my day. Each night I have woken up for a few minutes, heard my husband breathing next to me (breathed a sigh of relief myself) run my fingers though the angora-soft fur on Gary’s ears, pulled the blankets up and drifted half-way back to sleep for another few hours. So there it is, maybe I am just a little thrown off from a little less sleep.

But here’s what confuses me: I feel no fear once I am awake, and honestly it doesn’t feel like that big of a deal. Really, I have only noticed this odd trend because I rarely have dreams like this- and never have I had them unrelated and in succession. It’s only slightly bothersome, but I thought you might want to know.

Restless. (And apparently also reflective…among other things)