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I am taking a short break in the middle of the morning to write a little here.  I have already worked a five-hour shift at Starbucks and accomplished a lot today considering it is only a little past eleven. One new thing Lucas and I are working into our schedule this week is time at the gym. When we were thinking of moving here, one of the things that helped make up our minds was the acess to a gym and two pools. The pools are mysteriously closed at the moment, but the gym is still open so we are attempting higher levels of fitness.  Also, when I started at the new starbucks I was signed up for this online better living thing that helps employees for free. I signed up for a custom exercise program with added healthy-living articles to read each day. So far it is going really well even if I do feel a bit like a dork sometimes.

Last night Gary learned that he was able to jump onto the kitchen counters- something we were hoping he would not discover for at least another month or two. It doesn’t bother me too much except that last night I hadn’t cleaned the kitchen after dinner and he managed to gleen some leftovers before Lucas caught him. This morning the counters seem to have lost their draw and he is currently hunting his humane society tags… which are attached to his collar as they have been since we brought him home. I find watching Gary holds a great deal of interest for me. He seems to be fully engaged with whatever he does- even if it is something as simple as staring out the window. Perhaps this is something that only cat-owners understand, but I am fascinated by this little creature. I photograph him often for the sheer desire to understand him somehow. As if freezing his face in a moment can yeild some knowledge that watching him cannot. Yesterday, I watched him staring at the carpet for a full three minutes with nothing apparent I could identify happening on that spot.



The couch hunt is over. Today, we followed the lead for couch number four all the way across town to a very nice apartment building. We had seen the add on Craigslist- a young woman moving out of state with a couch she had purchased just weeks ago up for sale. It was the exact model of one we had previously looked at, and sadly walked away from on account of the cost being 300$ over our budget. It was even the colour we wanted! The best part: it would fit through our freakishly small door easily.  The couch, bought at a fantastic price, is now sitting happily in our living room.

Even Gary likes the couch.

Shortly after having that minor melt-down over deciding on a couch, I drank a cup of tea and set my mind to picking one out of the top five contenders. Finally, two cups of tea later I made a decision. This lovely and majestically comfortable couch:

I felt instant relief having made up my mind knowing this couch would soon be in our apartment. Then Lucas pulled out his tape measure and wandered over to our front door. It seems that, even after weeks of deciding, my choices would be conquered by practicality: there was no possible way to fit the choosen couch through our door let alone up the stairs to it. I took the news surprisingly well, if I do say so myself. I turned my attention to couch number two- actually a set of couches.

image 1703437043-0

Not willing to make the same mistake twice, I immediately emailed the seller asking for dimensions. Good thinking too because this couch would also be slightly too large to fit through what i am now assuming is a less-than-standard door frame. Onto Couch number three: a pretty couch from ikea that I knew would fit through the door on account that it comes in multiple boxes and needs assembling.

Credit card in hand I signed onto the ikea webpage already making plans to borrow my in-laws van for the night. But alas, this particular couch is not available in Portland or Seattle. Apparently even my fool-proof option was, in fact, not. I wanted to scream. Well, this is where it gets complicated. See having made my decision three times, I hadn’t considered the ranking of couches four and five. I decided to forget about the whole thing for a night. I would have you know that I dreamed about couches last night. This morning, on the account of my father-in-law, Lucas and I set out to a consignment furniture store in the area to see what we could find. Among an array of beautiful pieces we found one couch that was well within our budget and very comfortable. Four years ago I would have bought it knowing I got an amazing deal and would have a happy end to this long  search. Four years ago I wouldn’t have given the crazy pattern a second thought on account of its comfort and price.

I have made progress in four years. I sat on another much less comfortable couch across from the one we had zeroed in on and stared for a good long while. Yes, it was really comfortable. Yes, it would fit through our silly small door. Yes, it was an excellent price- which would mean having money left over for bookcases. Would I like this spazzy pattern tomorrow? Probably. Next Year? Maybe. Five years from now? Really really no. And so, I proudly announced this fact to Lucas and left the store.  I haven’t really given it a second consideration since leaving. That is a big change for me. In the past the deal would have been suprime even I hated the fabric later. I digress.

So now I am down to the original fourth and fifth choices. I don’t have a picture of one so I will not post the other either- at east not until I have made a decision. I am still not sure which to go with or if I will ever come to a decision for that matter! Oh well. I will let you know the moment I do.


I have a few big decisions to make over the next few days. I used to be very good at decision making and, truth be told, I am excellent at tiny decisions that have an immediate deadline. While I was Children’s Ministry director at my last church, I found myself learning to make big decisions based on the authority given to me by the Elders- my four years studying ministry and various Biblical topics also helped to inform said decisions. At Starbucks, I can easily make a million little decisions in a single shift and do so without hesitation. But now, as I face decisions in the realm of my life I find myself floundering. I feel like I have no authority to make the decisions, nor do I feel equipped to make them, but perhaps I am wrong.

1. A couch for the apartment.

We have 450 US$ to spend on one nice piece of furniture for our apartment. Given the fact that a lovely couple at our church gave us a perfect little dining room set and Lucas’ parents gave us a bed, we are looking at buying a couch. The excitement of purchasing a new couch was overwhelming. We went to Ikea twice, looked online for days, and spent a good deal of time considering all the various options. Yesterday, we took a couple of hours and looked at furniture stores nearby. All I have to show for it is a couple of business cards and a terrible feeling of indecision. I came very close to buying a couch yesterday, but then re-checked the price tag to find it was out of our budget. Then, there was another that I seriously considered, but my confidence was shaken and the colour was not my favourite. 20 days later we are couchless and Lucas is letting me make the decision. My difficulty in deciding mostly comes with the fact that I want to pick a couch that we really like, and that we will use for a long time. I want no regrets.

2. Should we declaw Gary.

As he lays at my feet sleeping, it is hard to imagine that this sweet little kitten could be a scratching nightmare, but occasioanlly he uses those little claws as leathal weapons. He’s a really good little cat whom we simply adore in every way except for when he tries to climb our pant legs or attacks an unsuspecting hand. Gary has even manged to claw my face a couple of time- though I am not sure it was intentional. The decision is wrapped up in an number of things, but I will give you the short list. We will be buying a brand new couch soon and, although he hasn’t harmed any furniture yet,  I am petrified that Gary’s little claws will obliterate the new fabric. On a similar and much more important note, Lucas and I have not decided if we want children, but heaven forbid we do have kids and our sweet kitten turns jealous and uses his claws to avenge. So, at least partially, this decision is to save hypothetical flesh and fabric. If we were to get Gary declawed, he would never be allowed outside, but seeing as he is terrified of the outdoors I doubt this would be a problem. The difficulty comes in knowing the impact of a surgery like declawing. It’s not a simple remove the nails, but actually an orthopedic surgery that removes the topmost part of the front toe bones. It sounds painful, and some people believe it is psychologically damaging to a cat (though I am not sure I agree with that).  I had a cat growning up who was decalwed and she seemed fine, but I don’t know. I don’t want to hurt my sweet little kitten unnecessarily, but I also want to make the decision that will be right for all of us in the end. 

3. How should I finish my Grandfather’s quilt.

Okay, I realize that this is significantly less weighty than the other decisions- if you can call those weighty. Truth be told, I know this is a minor decision, but in light of the other more difficult ones, sometimes small decisions become big to take stress away from others. I am super happy with how his quilt has turned out so far, but I haven’t actually worked up the courage to finish it for fear of damaging my work. His birthday is next week… so I am pretty sure the quilt will be late if I don’t decide and execute the pla within the next day or two.

Decisions, decisions. Any constructive insight is appreciated.


This morning, somewhere between dishes and laundry, I realized that I have been giving out an incorrect cell phone number to people for the last 2 months. The number I was giving out is correct except for one digit. I have heard that precision is necessary in those sort of things… I have a lot of paperwork to correct and emails to send out.

Asides from that unfortunate revelation, my morning has been going very well. I slept until 8:30- which was about the time I finished work the last two day- then set to work cleanign up the apartment. Now that it is all sparkly clean and the laundry is going, I have very few excuses left for not turning to homework. Don’t worry! The motivation is still there to get it all done, I am just happy to have a few moments of house-wife bliss before remembering that I am also a student.

Gary has taken up the habit of tipping his water bowl over at every chance he gets.  It is a rath frustrating habit as his food dish, up until this morning, was on carpet. Now it is smack dab in the middle of the kitchen which will not work for very long either.  It looks like we will have to go back to the no-tip bowls he had when he was just a little kitten instead of the prettier dishes he is using now. 

There you have it: a little picture into my life today. I know it isn’t terribly exciting, but I am happy anyways.


I have been looking up words in the thesaurus trying to decide how to best describe the mood I am in at the moment. Mostly it is complicated, really it feels inexplicable even to myself. I couldn’t find a word that worked perfectly, though I doubt that is a fault of language.

Listless- seemed like a promising word, but then I realized that it is not that I am indifferent, but rather that I care about so many things that I find myself paralized. For example, the cup of tea sitting next to the computer took me nearly an hour to make. I really enjoy tea, but when it comes to making a pot for myself, it takes me ages to get around to boiling the pot simply because I cannot choose one tea.

Unmotivated- gave me pause, but didn’t last long as an option.  I have pleanty of motivation to get things done because there are pleanty of thigns to be done. On the short list: dishes, cleaning up the apartment, and finishing my degree.

I gave up on the thesaurus out of frustration. The frustration though, admitidly, caused somewhat by the lack of an identifying term, is mostly from a recognitiont hat there are so many things in my life that I enjoy but so few of which I find time for. I know that I am not the only one- far from it. I guess I just can’t bear to think that I will be one of those people who will look back on life and wonder why I missed out on some things I might have really enjoyed for simple lack of doing them.

When it all comes down to the final thoughts, I realize that I need to quit procrastinating in all forms. The trouble is that procrastination, even of the things I enjoy, is a difficult habit to disassemble and I have never run across a how-to book on the subject. How do I start?

I am going to try to find out- I am too tired of feeling trapped in my own mind.


Alright.  I have a moment to exhale after the last few days.

A lot has happened in the last seven days mostly centering around us moving into our second first apartment. It is a lovely little place with one bedroom, one bath, a washer-dryer, a fire place, and a balcony with which Gary is infatuated. Our neighbours came over to introduce themselves- and their cats, with a plate of fantastic brownies in hand. It’s really quite wonderful here. Perhaps best of all is that I finally get to take care of my own household: cooking, cleaning, and oragnizing. It makes me feel validated as a woman knowing that I can care for my husband, my house, and my cat.

Today was a whirlwind of a day, and it may not be over just yet. I had an audition this morning- my first ever in front of a camera instead of a director. It was quite the experience! Currently I am waiting to see if I get a call back. I find the whole process exciting and soemthing I could really enjoy in the coming years. Immediately after the audition, I changed my clothes in the car while Lucas drove us both to work. Today was my first day at my new Starbucks. I have spent the better part of the last week worrying about various aspects of starting at a new store including, but not limited to: people, my memory, making mistakes, and forgetting silly things. Thankfully, my first day went significantly smoother than I had conjured in my mind. After being given an in-depth tour of the store’s layout, I was placed on bar for the remaining three hours of my shift. It was as if I hadn’t missed a day since my last shift. Turns out, worrying was just a waste of my time and energy as per usual.

Now, I am sitting happily on the floor of our apartment- we do have chairs, I am not sure why I am on the floor to be honest. Gary is purring happily by my side with his little head resting on my cell phone. As I close off this long-overdue entry, my thoughts are already turning to the crab quesidillas I am making for dinner. I am really blessed to have a life this good.


We have reached the storm season in this lovely little state. Rain is the expectation, sun is the exception. I find myself happy to see the rain so long as I don’t have to drive in it on a given day. I find it somewhat profound that life continues as normal even when it is raining. There is still laundry to be done, a bed to be made, a (very vocal) cat to feed. I sit down at my computer, just like any other day, with books open and pen safely hidden from the eagle eyes of my kitten. My tea tastes the same as it did when the sun was out a few days ago though it is more satisfying somehow. I used to think rain was a disruption, but I think I was wrong. It’s just another part to life, something we will have to tell others later: we lived through as many rainy days as sunny, and made it out okay in the end.

I do not think I can put it any better than Frank and Cyril in Slings and Arrows:

CYRIL: “Because then you’ll have stories.”
FRANK: “And then you’ve had a life. You’ve had a life.”


Sometimes I feel like my mind is buzzig with so many ideas and lists that I will end up forgetting everything. As a result, I often pick up one of my many notebooks scattered strategically around the house and set out in search of a pen.  I try to keep the pens with my notebooks, but since adopting Gary that doesn’t mean much. It is almost more effective to give Gary the pen right after using it so as to eliminate the frustrating illusion that he will not steal this one. I digress.

Today is one of those days, and it seems no amount of pen-to-paper can fix the buzzing in my mind. All the thoughts and lists are disconnected with no reconciliation in sight. The topics include, but are certainly not limited to: what to make for Sunday dessert, the shopping list for said dessert, which class to do next, what it will be like to be an actor again, if I will like my new Starbucks, finding directions to the Starbucks training centre, finding all of Gary’s toys when we move, and what we will need in our pantry after we move.  Lists, fears, needs, wants.

Did I mention that we are moving into our second first apartment next weekend? We signed the lease yesterday. Perhaps I should explain “second first apartment”…. when you’ve been through an immigration mess like Lucas and I have, for some things, it is necessary to start over. Enough said.

Perhaps I shall grab yet another note book, hunt down a pen, and start another list. You never know, maybe this one will work to round up all those thoughts and settle them down for the night.


a tea for everything

More Pictures

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